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Died in a Blogging Accident has lived up to its name and died... in a blogging accident. That is to say it has concluded. You can still re-live the magic by clicking here to start at chapter 1. For genuine criticism of XKCD, please click the top link to the right (XKCD Isn't Funny).

Friday, August 19, 2011

Comic 940: Randall has Sex

Hey, guys, did you know about this thing called sex? Apparently not only can it be a decent workout, but Randall does it!

Oh, I'm sorry. Was that too much information? WELL TOO FREAKING BAD.


Title: Oversight; alt-text: I felt so clever when I found a way to game the Fitocracy system by incorporating a set of easy but high-scoring activities into my regular schedule. Took me a bit to realize I'd been tricked into setting up a daily exercise routine.

There's a lot wrong with this strip. A lot. You might not notice because of all the STICK FIGURE SEX SCENES (which, as helpful forumite jpk points out, are completely unneeded for the joke), but the failure goes beyond that. Unsurprisingly, it's all in the first three panels.

Okay, I get that Randall needed a wall if he wanted to depict himself making out against one, but make it consistent! Suddenly transitioning to a white void in the second, third, and fifth panels feels odd after seeing such lovingly detailed perspective in the first.

Next on the nitpick list are the setting issues. Why is the book on the floor where it is? Was he reading next to the wall? Who does that? Second, if Randall's checking out a cardio fitness program, he's probably looking to lose a few pounds. Doesn't that make it a bad idea to stand (with a lot of quick motion, in fact) on the very edge of a chair like that? (It does; I've just done some field testing to confirm.) Or...oh snap! Maybe Megan is just REALLY FAT, so the chair stays anchored in place! Clever, Randall, drawing your stalker target as a stick figure so that we can't see the true extent of her obesity. Finally, where the heck is that swing hanging from? Just how high are Randall's ceilings?


Anyway, that's it for the comic itself. However, in this next part, I'm just going to whine about fat people in general (specifically Randall), so if you're in said camp, go ahead and skip this section.

Look. Fat people. Stop trying to cheat the freaking system. You don't need to "level up," you don't need some retarded invite-only social network, and anything "easy" is not going to be high-scoring unless the system is broken. You want to lose weight? EAT LESS. EXERCISE MORE. It's darn simple. Go running, take up a sport (even something simple like club volleyball), cut out the fat and empty carbs from your diet, lift weights, whatever; just DO IT.

15 comments:

  1. Again Randall brags about sex.

    It is kinda sad...

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  2. What, no Rob jokes?

    I am disappoint.

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  3. "Clever, Randall, drawing your stalker target as a stick figure so that we can't see the true extent of her obesity."

    First Megan joke on the new blog, I believe. Hooray, hyphen has finally grown up.

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  4. People who act like "Motivation" is something that everyone has an ample supply of make me angry.

    You have made me angry with your comments about fat people, Gamer_2k4, and I'm not even all that fat. That said, "freedom of speech"/"two way street" and all that jazz so instead of faulting you for saying it I'll just try to offer an alternative perspective.

    Anyway, there are a number of different "systems" out there that help people "EAT LESS. EXERCISE MORE." as you mentioned. As a dork, Randall is likely to succeed by making it into a game. People who are good with numbers and obsessive record keeping succeed at Weight Watchers. Lazy people succeed by being married to people on Weight Watchers.

    In general, if people had the willpower required to lose weight "on their own" they would not have gotten fat in the first place... so unless they have some kind of new "real motivation" (like a "Heart Attack" or "Chronic Knee Pain" or "Had Kids and Want to See Them Grow Up") they are not going to change their lives without some kind of artificial paradigm like this fitocracy thing.

    Also, the book is totally the instruction manual he just had to read in order to know how to have sex standing up.

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  5. Oh, hey. A sexkcd strip that doesn't include cunnilingus. How bad does a strip have to be that this sounds like a plus side?

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  6. What, no Rob jokes?

    I considered putting some in, but ultimately decided that I didn't want to bring the old blog here if I didn't have to.

    In general, if people had the willpower required to lose weight "on their own" they would not have gotten fat in the first place...

    My comments in that last paragraph were based on my own experience. I gained a lot of weight in college, and I didn't like the look, so I dieted and exercised. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months. There wasn't any particular "motivation" other than that fat people aren't as attractive as fit people.

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  7. Also, yes, perhaps that last paragraph was offensive, but it's how I feel. It's really the reason that I'm still going strong after Rob and Raven have dropped out of the game: I'm not just pretending here. Every word I write, whether it's criticism of xkcd or reflections on it, is how I actually feel. There's no mincing words on a hate blog.

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  8. Sorry, forgot to add "Fear of Dying Alone" to my parentheses and then couldn't edit my post.

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  9. Gamer_2k4 said:
    "I considered putting some in, but ultimately decided that I didn't want to bring the old blog here if I didn't have to."

    The old blog is the only reason this one exists. Treat your parent with respect.

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  10. I still don't get what the big deal is about having a motivation other than simply "I want to lose weight". Yeah yeah hateblog or whatever... but they're doing the work. Eating less and losing weight. It makes no sense that having a secondary motivation beyond "I want to look better in smaller pants" would cause you to get so upset.

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  11. I AM OFFNDED THAT YOU SPEAK OF FaT

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  12. Speaking of the swing, what's with the position of their crotches? Is she humping his nipples?

    Also, I don't know how Fitocracy works exactly, but maybe there's a damn good reason why you can't enter sex as an activity. Something like this, perhaps:
    http://techcrunch.com/2011/07/03/sexual-activity-tracked-by-fitbit-shows-up-in-google-search-results/

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  13. Eat less bread and potatoes, especially. Seriously, these things were staple foods for a former time in which people didn't have the luxuries we do. It's an archaism. They needed the quick carb burst. We don't.

    Atkins knew what he was talking about. Look him up, follow his rules. The fat will melt right off.

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  14. Yep, it's ridiculously simple. High protein, high fruits/vegetables, low carbs, low fat. Exercise. Eat throughout the day instead of in big chunks and don't miss breakfast.

    Ridiculously simple.

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  15. It's simple if you have a lifestyle that makes all those things possible, and a cooperative metabolism helps, too. If you, say, have to spend big chunks of time sitting on your ass writing term papers when you aren't in class, limiting your time to exercise, or your work schedule means you have to grab something quick to eat whenever you have time rather than spacing meals throughout the day and taking time to consider the heath benefits of what you're eating, it's not going to be so easy. Not to mention, fresh produce and high protein, low carb, low fat foods tend to be a good bit more expensive than fast food, for example, ruling out that option for plenty of families. Frankly, the attitude of "if I can do it, anyone can, regardless of situation" is ignorant at best.

    This is still a terrible, terrible comic, though.

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