Special Announcement:

Xkcd-sucks has been acquired by Facebook inc. We're as excited about it as you are. Scroll down to the post to read more, and find out how these changes will affect you.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Comic 913: You're Out Of Your Head, Randall

Hello all, and welcome to the very first installment of XKCD SUCKS. I'm Gamer_2k4, half of the dynamic duo that's taking charge here. For those of you who don't know, I made a guest post here and there on the original xkcdsucks blog. Now, I'm helping Ravenzomg (the other half of the duo) with a new blog, to give you what xkcdsucks couldn't: timely, topical reviews that aren't complete garbage.

Anyway, that's it for introductions! Let's see what Randall's given us to work with today.

Title: Core; alt text: If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying "... and I study that", I don't know what you're doing with your life.

Annnnd it's a doozy. Good thing, too, because I'd rather not write a review if an xkcd is just meh. Right away, this feels like GOOMHR bait (for the uninitiated, that's "Get out of my head, Randall," a common saying among the author's fanboys). Why do I think that? Because if he's not expecting to garner empathy from the strip, he's just announcing that he tweaks out for no good reason, and it's not like Randall to admit (or even recognize) his weaknesses.

So what's the problem with this? Well, the main thing is that there are a LOT crazier things to get freaked out about than being above a hunk of iron. Think of all the insects crawling around under the ground! Think of the fossils that no doubt exist buried deep down! Think of the mineral veins and the fossil fuels! Heck, if you want to go with man-made things, it gets even better. Any time you walk down a street, you're going over sewer mains, electrical cabling, gas and water piping, perhaps even subways! There's a whole WORLD right beneath your feet, and if you want to freak out for fifteen minutes, do it over something worthwhile!


Okay, I'm not done. You want to freak out? Look up. Above you, right now, there are hundreds of satellites that make everything YOU do possible. TV, internet, radio, GPS, phone calls, freaking everything! You can't live without them, and yet you want to get worked up about freaking IRON? You really suck.

Deep breath. Calm down, Gamer. Okay. The next problem with this comic is, believe it or not, the fact that it's colored. Now, this wouldn't be a problem, except that, since the bar is set so low already, people react to the inclusion of colors like it makes up for everything else. Consider the opinion of one "Anonymous" from xkcdsucks:

Also I thought that despite the lack of actual humor, the Magic School Bus comic was better than most of his other ones just because of the inclusion of pretty colors.

Sarcasm or not, it's a pretty major problem when people think your comic is good simply because it has splashes of color here and there. People say, "this is awesome," Randall thinks "I am awesome," and the vicious cycle continues. No, Randall, you're not awesome. You went from an F- to a solid F. That's nothing to be proud of. And of course, the Magic School Bus coloring took so much out of him that the next comic (one that wasn't just stick figures, and actually alright for coloring) was monochrome, and today's had three, count them, three, colors outside of his usual spectrum. And yet, people will praise him for it.

Moving on to the alt-text (title text for you pedants). "If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying '... and I study that', I don't know what you're doing with your life." You know what they're doing with their lives? Not being complete tools like you! I'm a software engineer. You know what I don't do when I'm introducing myself to people? I don't POINT AT A COMPUTER AND SAY "UH HURP DURP I STUDY THAT." But I guess you'd know that if you ever interacted with people.

So, to sum everything up, this is a new blog, we're the best xkcd hate blog out there, and Randall is in top form for our first post. Tell your friends.

P.S. I like how he drew himself with a book, as though that was where he was reminded of this tidbit. Don't kid yourself, Randall; we all know you were inspired by this page.


  1. to give you what xkcdsucks couldn't: timely, topical reviews that aren't complete garbage.

    Well, at least the Gamer reviews won't be complete garbage. Raven will give you the cess you desire and so much more. oh yes.

  2. I wholeheartedly approve of this.


  3. Your PS was the first thing I thought of when I read this comic. Don't kid us by drawing a book in the guy's hand; he's sitting in front of a laptop and everyone knows you were just reading wikipedia.

  4. Oh thank God. Welcome to my feed, bumping Rob out.

  5. Thanks Gamer/Raven. Based on the contents of the review up at that other site which cannot be named, this couldn't have started at a better time

  6. What happened to that Kitten of Death guy? Did he died?

  7. Kitten of Malignancy is still running his thing, and we almost tried taking over his site, but I think he'd enjoy that too much. Also, "capnsblag" is an awful url I am sorry.

    As far as I'm concerned every Anonymous here is actually Gamer.

  8. Randall is not like my 3 year old daughter.

    It's true that they are both occasionally fascinated when they realize that powerful things are around them in actual physical space. But, my daughter likes to go outside and explore these things. Randall seems to prefer to scold true scientists for wasting their lives by not bragging obtusely to strangers.

    Also, Randall draws somewhat better than she does. But she's gaining on him quickly.

  9. I almost managed to do a Carl. Damn you, Raven and Gamer, damn you!

  10. Well, don't bring Raven into this just yet. There's still hope for her to bring the whole thing crashing down.

    (And for the record, those anons are NOT me. Really.)

  11. "Raven will give you the cess you desire and so much more. oh yes."


  12. Obviously Gamer_2K4 is Randal in disguise.

  13. My profile pic suggests I'm a lot better looking than he ever was, though, so it must be one heck of a disguise.

  14. Gamer_2k4 lacks the love needed to be all the anons.


  15. Wooh! We lose the pretense of Rob trolling us when you two didn't review a comic! Come to think of it, i generally wouldnt read the review unless it was one of you two. Hooray new hateblog!

    Also, terrible comic. Sometimes I can see why what' he's trying to get at has humour/interest, but this is just lame

  16. oh gods what the hell did I just see? Green Lantern, more like A Series of Things Happen For No Particular Reason To Form a Vaguely Sequential Plot-line. I enjoyed myself, but I also enjoyed the Twilight films, so I mean, what I enjoy and what is generally acknowledged to be good are two entirely different concepts. Still: Blagh! That movie did not need to be made.

    ...also xkcd was pretty awful?

  17. I really don't like your wallpaper.
    Either this wallpaper goes, or I do!

  18. We're keeping the wallpaper.

    ...I think that was the easiest decision I've ever made.

  19. I use:


    How 'bout you?

  20. If I were to disappear, with a melodious twang, Kitten would create a Tribute Blog entitled: 'A la Recherche du Cunts Perdu' and wrestle with cute French girls 'til he soiled his red, frilly knickers.
    It would not be fair to his Mam - she does his laundry.

  21. Yep.

    Though I would skip the tribute blog bit.