Hello all, and welcome to the very first installment of XKCD SUCKS. I'm Gamer_2k4, half of the dynamic duo that's taking charge here. For those of you who don't know, I made a guest post here and there on the original xkcdsucks blog. Now, I'm helping Ravenzomg (the other half of the duo) with a new blog, to give you what xkcdsucks couldn't: timely, topical reviews that aren't complete garbage.
Anyway, that's it for introductions! Let's see what Randall's given us to work with today.
Title: Core; alt text: If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying "... and I study that", I don't know what you're doing with your life.
Annnnd it's a doozy. Good thing, too, because I'd rather not write a review if an xkcd is just meh. Right away, this feels like GOOMHR bait (for the uninitiated, that's "Get out of my head, Randall," a common saying among the author's fanboys). Why do I think that? Because if he's not expecting to garner empathy from the strip, he's just announcing that he tweaks out for no good reason, and it's not like Randall to admit (or even recognize) his weaknesses.
So what's the problem with this? Well, the main thing is that there are a LOT crazier things to get freaked out about than being above a hunk of iron. Think of all the insects crawling around under the ground! Think of the fossils that no doubt exist buried deep down! Think of the mineral veins and the fossil fuels! Heck, if you want to go with man-made things, it gets even better. Any time you walk down a street, you're going over sewer mains, electrical cabling, gas and water piping, perhaps even subways! There's a whole WORLD right beneath your feet, and if you want to freak out for fifteen minutes, do it over something worthwhile!
Okay, I'm not done. You want to freak out? Look up. Above you, right now, there are hundreds of satellites that make everything YOU do possible. TV, internet, radio, GPS, phone calls, freaking everything! You can't live without them, and yet you want to get worked up about freaking IRON? You really suck.
Deep breath. Calm down, Gamer. Okay. The next problem with this comic is, believe it or not, the fact that it's colored. Now, this wouldn't be a problem, except that, since the bar is set so low already, people react to the inclusion of colors like it makes up for everything else. Consider the opinion of one "Anonymous" from xkcdsucks:
Also I thought that despite the lack of actual humor, the Magic School Bus comic was better than most of his other ones just because of the inclusion of pretty colors.
Sarcasm or not, it's a pretty major problem when people think your comic is good simply because it has splashes of color here and there. People say, "this is awesome," Randall thinks "I am awesome," and the vicious cycle continues. No, Randall, you're not awesome. You went from an F- to a solid F. That's nothing to be proud of. And of course, the Magic School Bus coloring took so much out of him that the next comic (one that wasn't just stick figures, and actually alright for coloring) was monochrome, and today's had three, count them, three, colors outside of his usual spectrum. And yet, people will praise him for it.
Moving on to the alt-text (title text for you pedants). "If you're a geologist or geophysicist and you don't introduce yourself by saying your name, then gesturing downward and saying '... and I study that', I don't know what you're doing with your life." You know what they're doing with their lives? Not being complete tools like you! I'm a software engineer. You know what I don't do when I'm introducing myself to people? I don't POINT AT A COMPUTER AND SAY "UH HURP DURP I STUDY THAT." But I guess you'd know that if you ever interacted with people.
So, to sum everything up, this is a new blog, we're the best xkcd hate blog out there, and Randall is in top form for our first post. Tell your friends.
P.S. I like how he drew himself with a book, as though that was where he was reminded of this tidbit. Don't kid yourself, Randall; we all know you were inspired by this page.