Announcement

Died in a Blogging Accident has lived up to its name and died... in a blogging accident. That is to say it has concluded. You can still re-live the magic by clicking here to start at chapter 1. For genuine criticism of XKCD, please click the top link to the right (XKCD Isn't Funny).

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Comics 1299-1305: Who Will Remember Us?

Comic 1305: Undocumented Feature

Click here, or anywhere on the image, to see the full-sized version. Trust me, it's worth it. I will wait.

I just, wow, this Xkcd hits home in so many ways. A many-panel skyscraper of a comic, reminiscent of the the glory days of SMBC. The artwork is effective and to the point. But what really make me want to re-read this comic is the story it tells.

I think the subject matter of this comic is something we can all relate to. This comic is fictitious, but it captures the experience of so many online backwater communities. It ends with a punchline about Facebook and an alt text about Youtube, but that is only to emphasise the contrast between those sites and the little misfit communities that we create ourselves.

And yes, Xkcd-sucks is one of those communities, whether you spell it with a hyphen or not. Look in any comment thread and you will see the friendships we have built. We were just trying to troll each other, but in was in fact the trolling that helped bring us together.

Furthermore, this comic is an important reminder that all online communities will eventually die. You don't have to be particularly observant to see that has already began to happen. No-hyphen doesn't update anymore. The comment threads are closed. And that has not produced the huge influx of activity to this blog that I expected.

People leaving No-hyphen are not going elsewhere to hate Xkcd. They are just leaving, for the same reasons that Rob is no longer posting. Their hate is turning to apathy. It's no longer fun to hate Xkcd.

With that in mind, I have decided to stop reviewing Xkcd. This blog will be retired, and Xkcd-sucks will die.

So in light of everything I have said, I will give this comic the grade it truly deserves, complete with something I have been waiting to say in earnest for all these years: A* for Randall Get Out Out Of My Head.

That does not mean the previous six Xkcds are exempt from criticism. These will be the last reviews I write, so I might as well make them count.

Comic 1304: Glass Trolling

B- for trolling Google Glass. It's something that deserves to be trolled, but the troll was not original. F for the fact that obnoxious Xkcd fans everywhere are going to copy this comic, because of course they are.  Just imagine a million of them uttering 'OK Glass' commands while they needlessly chatter at their smartphones. Worst of all, there already is a feature on Nexus phones that's pretty much the same thing, except you say 'OK Google Now'. And with this comic being the bad influence that it is, people might actually start using it. Randall, do you even know what you have inflicted on humanity with this simple PNG image? Instead of mocking the stupid trend of talking to electronics, you have helped perpetuate it!

D for artwork, and for not even going to the effort of drawing a second person. DETENTION for Gizmodo repost.

Comic 1303: Profile Info

Nice idea, but there are so many ways in which it wouldn't work.

It wouldn't work for social networks, which is where we would most want to use this trick. How dumb would it look if every single comment you made on Youtube was signed 'John If-you-see-this-name-in-an-ad-give-the-product-a-one-star-review-smith'?

F- for failing to think things through any more than I thought through this grade.

DETENTION for Gizmodo repost.

Comic 1302: Year in Review

This comic failed to make a point. F- for lack of a point. Is the joke supposed to be that a newscaster talks about something completely irrelevant while on air. Whilst it's something we'd all like to see a newscaster do, it doesn't actually make for a good joke, because it's unoriginal as fuck. F-- for unoriginality.

And the worst part is that it's trying to be all zany and random, and it just fails dismally, because it's just what we expected. F for building up an expectation, and going nowhere with it.

C- for the alt text, but it was almost unrelated to the comic.

Comic 1301: File Extensions

I fail to see a joke in this one. I fail to see any way to apply this comic to my own experiences. You have to be scraping the bottom of the observational humour barrel to come up with stuff like 'oh yeah, pdf files are much more trustworthy than ppt files.

It doesn't even make sense on its own logic. I regularly convert my lecture slides from .ppt to .pdf to make them easier to read on a Mac. But that doesn't change their trustworthiness. Normally logic shouldn't matter, as it's just a comic. But when it fails to impress me in any other regard, logic becomes its only redeeming value. And the weak logic of the broad sweeping statements about file types, which is incidental to the content they contain, is the best thing about this comic. Doesn't that say a lot.

Oh yeah, Randall. Aren't your comics always in PNG format?

F for lack of logic. F- for lack of relevance. F-- for lack of a joke. DETENTION for Gizmodo repost.

Comic 1300: I Don't Own a TV

The following review is a tribute to Rob Mason, and his timelessly brevitic style of reviewing eveything.

Nobody cares. F

Comic 1299: Galilean Moons

This comic is just... what? This comic is awful beyond mere description of words. To wit one William Monty Hughes, "Words fail me [...] but I shall not fail words." So let's review this astronomical turd of a comic.

Why would one of the moons be so happy about escaping the girl's orbit, and orbiting the guy instead... unless it was planning to suck him off. Hey, that reminds me of my first ever comment. Nostalgia aside, it is so hard to see what this comic is on about. I had to turn to Explain Xkcd to help me in my final review, and the grades I had to give are:

*Deep breath!*

Q for bad artwork. R for failing to include show the moons' motion. S for not even including a dotted circle to show the orbit. T for the impossible-to-comprehend joke about orbital resonance. U for lack of standalone value due to it being a joke about orbital resonance. V because it's not even funny. W because apparently Galilean moons moons a don't do anything but say the same thing repeatedly. X because even if the moons somehow had the power of speech (and I reiterate: why the fuck?!) it would make no sense for one of them to shout "MOOOOOOON!" It's like the most annoying Pokemon with none of the good things about being a Pokemon. Y because not even the forums liked it. Z for making moons look like the astronomical equivalent of crabs.

Overall grade: Z*, that's a ZED-FUCKING-STAR (pun not intended thank you very much - a moon is not a star), the worst grade I have ever given. You know what that means?

100 BELT LASHINGS, one for every comic I have ever reviewed, for the WORST COMIC I HAVE EVER REVIEWED. 

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*
*THWACK*

And before I go, DOUBLE DETENTION for Gizmodo repost. Fuck you Gizmodo! FUCK YOU IN THE THUNDERBOLT PORT! AND FUCK EVERYTHING TO DO WITH FLAT DESIGN. ALSO WHOSE IDEA WAS IT TO PUT DRM ON A FUCKING USB CABLE?! FUCK YOU STEVE JOBS!!!!!! OY VEY.


*Ahem*

Before I go, I'd like to talk seriously for a moment. If comic 1305 is anything to go by, this community will soon be forgotten, even by those who participated in it. And that makes me truly deeply sad. But though we may go our separate ways and never even tell anyone that Xkcd-sucks was a thing, there is one thing that we will never lose: the fun we had from the comics we bashed and the friendships we made. Even if no one remembers it, it still happened. It was good while it lasted, and no one can take that away from us.

You know, I was never into MMO gaming, and Chat-rooms and BBSes were slightly before my time. So this was the closest I have been to a tight-knit online community that I felt I really belonged to. And you guys have been best, even the Anonymous, especially the Anonymous. The last few years have been the best of my life.

Feel free to share your best memories of hating Xkcd in the space below. Try to put this blog out of your mind when you see your families this Christmas. I wish you good luck, farewell, and have an easy feast.

And I never did finish that story...

44 comments:

  1. Merry Christmas and a Happy Xkcd-SucksFree New Year.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ces hyphens me confusent.

    ReplyDelete
  3. "The last few years have been the best of my life"

    Nobody cares.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just because you don't care doesn't mean nobody does. You don't speak for everyone.

      Delete
  4. Jon. For your last review you could have put up the alt-texts. You know, go out with some class. But alright, I get it, class just isn't something that's valued among the Chosen Ones. A class is just a group of people who desperately want to get their hard-earned money into your pocket, right? I mean, if I walked in the streets and saw a whole bunch of simpletons presenting me their asses, I'd fuck them like a beast too--like the beasts they are. Please understand: I'm not blaming you for your filthy origins, Jon. It's okay! I'm just sayin': if I were looking for a job in 1942 Germany, I might have looked into becoming a train conductor. Nothing personal here. Just making a few bucks. Money's a language we all understand; you and your people have simply taken some extra night classes. It's all about class, Jon.

    I discovered Not-hyphen only about a couple years ago, post-Carl era. Hyphen, it was even more recently, when you've started updating it again. But from what I've seen, mainly on Hyphen, it was a nice community. I sure found joy in gratuitous hate. That's good, 'cos hate's what keeps me movin', Johnny boy. You see: I am the Silver Surfer of hate. I crystallize hate out of thin air and ride it, glorious path, to the mind-humbling depths of intergalactic space.

    Your services were appreciated. However I did expect you to finish that story. But hey, you're a failure, so there's that!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You forget the Jewish sense of humour, but otherwise a fair assessment of our People. If I finish the story, I'll post it here. You have my word.

      Delete
  5. Hey Jon- you're not as fat as Rob, and you aren't as good as Carl, but god damnit you tried. And I appreciate that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sadly there are some things you can't get by simply trying, such as admin access to the original xkcdsucks blog.

      Delete
  6. What makes me most sad about all this is that weaselsoup never met up with me for that Christmas date I've been offering each year for as long as I can remember.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. wait? you mean the bearded gentleman who greeted me at the airport last year with a cardboard sign that said 'weaselsoup' wasn't you? the joke is on you. we had a lovely time together.

      Delete
  7. Aw, it's a shame that you're leaving!


    ...Or is it a joke? I'm honestly not sure.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No.

      The whole blog was a joke. This is the punchline.

      Delete
  8. I have always hated each and everyone of you. I feel that even as a foetus I somehow foresaw these years and was even then filled with loathing. When I turned in the womb, it was not in preparation to breach. It was a squirm of absolute revulsion inspired by my foreknowledge of all your existences. I despise you utterly.

    I will miss that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And yet I still don't think you have seen the worst side of me.

      Delete
  9. youre all a bunch of faggots and i wont miss any of you

    go die in a fire

    ReplyDelete
  10. Holy shit.

    Randall just got his most vocal critic to willingly step down from reviewing xkcd with a single comic. And since xkcdsucks hasn't updated in nearly 2 months, I think it's safe to say that there's now no major criticism against xkcd.

    Good job, Randall, you brilliant, brilliant man.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Xkcd hatedom will end not with a bang, but a whimper.

      Delete
  11. Jon, I wanted to say with all sincerity that I have enjoyed the reviews you've posted and, moreover, the effort that you've put in to keep the XKCD-hate community alive. I always knew this blog, too, was going to fade away like no-hyphen, but I still looked forward to the next batch of reviews.

    Good luck, and thanks for all the laughs.

    ReplyDelete
  12. All things must come to an end...

    ReplyDelete
  13. Come on, fuckers. Not one of you is pressuring me to change my mind?!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. *insert lip-service pressuring*

      Nah. Randy won. Weep.

      Delete
    2. Oh, sorry, I didn't know that was an option. Jon Levi, I would prefer it if you changed your mind. Do you really want to be a quitter like Rob???

      Delete
    3. Are you kidding? It's a fucking relief that you're giving up. I'm like a cocaine addict discovering that there is no more cocaine left in the world. Maybe now I can make something of myself. I might even get laid one day. Who knows?

      Delete
    4. Fuck you, Anon 12:55. I almost want to carry on just to spite you. Almost.

      Delete
    5. After this post most folks are going to stop checking this blog. If you return later you're going to come back to an even more quirky and backwater community. hmm...

      Delete
    6. That sounds a lot like the target audience for my fanf-
      Wait...

      Delete
  14. Why is the background black now? It's eye-straining and I hate it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. To make it more funereal.

      Delete
    2. I have plans for this site, if no one wants to take it over that is. All will be revealed soon...

      Delete
  15. Oh my. Major mistake in 1306. The "weird symbol" for QBASIC comes at the end, not the start, of identifiers! The forums have already picked up on it (first time I visited the XKCD forums in ages; I feel I need to take a shower now), so I wonder how Randall the Infallible will weasel his way out of this one. It'll be hard to do a silent fix since a) it's already been noticed by the fans and b) it breaks the premise of the comic.

    Also, Perl is more like "every other character is a weird symbol," but that's another matter entirely.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I should add that anyone is free to take over the blog and post reviews in my stead. If I like you, I might even give you admin access.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Really good website this is, full of useful information and advice. Thanks for sharing.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Your style is really unique in comparison to other people I've read stuff from. Many thanks for posting when you have the opportunity, Guess I will just bookmark this page

    ReplyDelete
  19. You think the glory days of SMBC were when it had skyscraper comics? Please. That was the beginning of the end. The glory days of SMBC were the witty single-panel strips.

    If a joke requires a setup the length of a novella, it's a pretty lousy joke.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Jon Levi confirmed for Randall.
    All in a clever ploy, he slowly ground the hatedom into exhaustion, and now he's delivered a finishing blow by deploying a second blog to convince rob to give up. And once no-hyphen was confirmed dead, Randall shut the new blog down in response to his own comic, in some obnoxious and smug form of self praise, as if it proved a point.

    The worst part of it is, it worked. Fuck you Randall.

    ReplyDelete