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Died in a Blogging Accident has lived up to its name and died... in a blogging accident. That is to say it has concluded. You can still re-live the magic by clicking here to start at chapter 1. For genuine criticism of XKCD, please click the top link to the right (XKCD Isn't Funny).

Saturday, November 23, 2013

Comics 1283-1294: Fuck You All

Well, the last four weeks of comics have had nothing wrong with them, so there's really not much for me to say. JUST JOKING, THEY ALL SUCKED. Here's why.

1294 - Telescope Names

The premise of the joke is the first thing that's weak. for bad premise. It's basically a variation on the 'what if they ran out of names for  a particular thing?' gag that he did back in the 'hurricane eggbeater' comic (too lazy to look up the number). It wasn't funny then, and it's not funny now. F+ for recycled joke, because he could have picked worse ones to recycle. Then there's the terrible execution. It's just a bunch of text with some check boxes. I could have drawn that. F* for laziness.

Also, why is there are tick in the box if it's cancelled. Surely there should be a cross or a straight line. for not thinking things through.

1293 - Job Interview

I think we've all heard the story that Beret guy is supposedly based on Randall's real friends. If that's true, then Randall is obviously trying to mercilessly mock this friend, and the guy just doesn't get it.

F for the bad dialog. You can see painfully clearly that certain lines like 'There are ghosts here.' and 'I hope so.' were just generated by a Beret Non-sequitur generator script, probably one that Randall wrote himself in Python. F for doing a mediocre job of it. Your programming sucks, Randall!

Other lines that came out of the generator included (and I'm just guessing here) 'Are you a zombie?' and 'Really? I thought this was a bakery.'

F* for missing out the panel border in the middle panel. Is it a stylistic choice? Looks like the fucker was too lazy just to draw the fucking panel border, even though it only takes like four seconds with the rectangle tool.

1292 - Pi vs. Tau

F* for referencing the pi vs tau debate, which is one of the stupidest arguments on the Internet today, and that's coming from a guy who reads a bunch of tech blogs where people are arguing about Apple vs Android ALL THE FUCKING TIME.

The reason it's a stupid debate is because no one is going to change 2000 years of textbooks, and render the old symbol obsolete just because some people on the Internet said so. Tau may be better, but it doesn't matter. We're stuck with pi. deal with it.

I'm giving Randall another F* just because this comic is flame bait for the worst kind of nerd. Oh, and F for the alt text. No one uses the octal system, dumbass.

1291 - Shoot for the Moon

I, uh, what the fuck is this? Who let Megan out of her ball pit? And who is the talking to? I NEED TO KNOW. Because this comic makes no sense, my grade is not going to make any sense either. ÌÏÓÔ for bloody everything.

1290 - Syllable Planning

I'm going to give this comic an F*- because it appears to be mocking people who insert fucking into the middle of words. And if it isn't? Who cares? I still hate it. Another F for the premise of the joke, which is founded on the idea that you can't say 'ridicu-fucking-lous'. I just said it! It didn't sound wrong. Your argument is invalid, Ran-fucking-dall.

If you're so smart, tell me where in the word ridiculous would be a better place to insert fucking. There is none. 'Ri-fucking-diculous' and 'ridic-fucking-ulous' both sound worse than 'ridicu-fucking-lous'. Randall, you get an F* for failing to think things through.

1289 - Simple Answers

I choose to counter this comic with my own.


Also, F for smug preachiness, or something. DETENTION for Gizmodo repost.

1288 - Substitutions

Another list comic. F for being another list comic. F for recycling the joke from the keyboard/leopard comic. F* for comparing the noble sport of eating contests to elections. Did you know this blog becomes more fun if you replace 'Xkcd' with 'The New Testament'? You do now.

1287 - Puzzle

F* for the terrible confusing notation in the alt text. The white queen can't even get to the square B8, so it makes no sense anyway. Or am I just reading it wrong. Let me know in the comments.

1286 - Encryptic



And calling it 'wonderful' is a bit of an overstatement. F for casual hyperbole. And does Randall really think it's 'wonderful' that all these passwords have been leaked to the public? Sure he does, because it means he gets to preach to them about password security while they scramble to change the password, a password they didn't even want in the first place. Bah. Another F because it also scares uninformed people about passwords. F* for having no coherent characters.

DETENTION for Gizmodo repost.

1285 - Third Way

F* for recycling the joke of the Pi vs Tau comic, except this one came first, so... shit. F* anyway.

1284 - Improved Keyboard

I am getting an insufferable smugness vibe from this comic. F for smugness. And even more annoyingly, it's Black Hat who's being the smug one. F* for abusing the character of Black Hat. And F*** for more smugness.

1283 - Headlines

F for no characters. F for no joke. F for no artwork. F for no dignity. F for no shame. The flaws of this comic could apply to almost any one. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFell asleep on the F key. DETENTION for Gizmodo repost. Gizmodo gets a detention as well. Apparently The Guardian reposted this one as well, Britain's last broadsheet. I mean, fuck. What has the world come to? Xkcd is everywhere. Is it even worth trying to fight it anymore? We are the last soldiers in the war on Xkcd. Maybe we've lost. Maybe we'd be happier if we just gave in to the madness. Let me know in the comments section as I shed a single tear for the death of art.

*It's not an asterisk, fuckers. It's a STAR.

32 comments:

  1. Huh? The queen can get anywhere on a board. Do you don't know how a queen walks? Ri-fucking-diculous.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Who the fuck puts two spaces after a full stop anyway?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Shame nobody put a full stop in her cunt so we wouldn't have to put up with your mediocre blogging.

      Delete
    2. Anon@13:23, princess, I asked Jan to deliver and he/she delivered, and that's all that matters to me. If you hate hir so much, why don't you contribute your own review?

      Delete
    3. Now now, Anonymous 13:23 has made a valid point. His or her worth should be judged on how many reviews she has written (a moot point anyway, since no one but me has written any). But it's the same logic as 'If you hate Xkcd so much, where's YOUR webcomic.'

      Moreover, a full stop in my mother cunt WOULD have averted my mediocre blogging. I can't deny that. Whether or not you would call that a good thing is up to you. Now, I want you to apologise to Anonymous 13:23, and mean it.

      Delete
    4. If you're criticising my compliments so much, where are YOUR compliments, Jan?

      Delete
  3. Please keep doing these. Rob clearly isn't going to.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your comment reminds me of a cynical lover who constantly compares his current girlfriend to his ex. I approve.

      Delete
  4. Thank you, Jon Levi, for eventually getting around to this.

    ReplyDelete
  5. You seem to have got your venom and vitriol back. Was starting to get worried when you were actually saying positive things about xkcd strips.

    This has been a particularly bad batch, but I think "1285 - Third Way" deserves a D grade. It's yet another "dumb compromise" comic but at least we have the silly exaggeration of people actually fighting.

    Felt "1287 - Puzzle" deserved effort points at least.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Indeed, 1285 was perhaps the least bad out of the comics I reviewed. But I couldn't break a perfect streak, could I?

      Delete
  6. I think Randall's Chess notation in the alt text was merely referring to the then upcoming World Championship, not the Chess/Go game in the comic.
    Even so, which game was he supposed to be predicting among the 10 games played in the tournament?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. WELL IT SOUNDS OBVIOUS WHEN YOU PUT IT THAT WAY.

      Delete
  7. Oh no... This hate blog here actually is about XKCD? I haven't read a comic from them in ages. I will not be able to keep up with the conversations!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the No Eumesmopo club, cuntwaddle.

      Delete
    2. Ok. I'll comment anonymous then, but the comments will be every bit as shitty as ever.

      Delete
    3. What's the difference? We'll still know that it's you. The only person you're fooling is yourself.

      Delete
    4. You weren't harsh before Jon. What happened?

      Also: I'll log off and start using proxies. So, ha!

      Delete
    5. His mom died. I know because I killed her. Her old heart couldn't handle the ecstasy.

      Delete
    6. Damn it, that is not even funny.
      It's hilarious.

      Delete
  8. Awesome reviews, man. I agree 1000%, xkcd is such shit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "agree 1000%"

      What, so you and 9 of your friends all agree 100%? That's amazing. I didn't know my blog had more than 9 viewers.

      Delete
  9. I follow this blog and not Rob's because you actually bother to analyze why the comic failed. And now you're waxing worryingly Robbish. Please reverse course before it's too late.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is perhaps a valid criticism of my writing style. I will try to address it when I review this week's comics.

      Delete
    2. Damn it, 12:38, go have a heartfelt sob with Gamer if you love reading the same things repeated over and over again. xkcd fails because Randall never develops as an artist, he makes the same mistakes repeatedly, and to analyse these same failings each time they arise is as pointless as cataloguing every hole in a chunk of Swiss cheese and individually explaining how each one came to be.

      Delete
  10. This confirms that John Levi is actually Randal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Though to be honest I'm surprised it took you this long to find out.

      Delete
    2. That double chin... ugh...

      >:C

      Delete
  11. Pale skin, fangs and infinite youth. I'm pretty much certain that Avril Lavigne is a daywalker class vampire.

    ReplyDelete